What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 17.06.2025 00:01
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
I couldn’t, believe it.
Ive learnt so much.
What do you think of Obito Uchiha?
So whats the point in blame.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
I see lots of pictures of women who have huge clits are they real or what?
I was very sick at this time too.
One cannot live in the past .
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Why does Africa have all mineral resources but she is suffering economically?
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
As i do to all so called friends.?
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
He resisted the act ,that day.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
But ive been too sick for many years..
Why do people love to live alone in a house?
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
She found it foreign!.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Why do I want to suck cock tonight?
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
He knew the spot.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
I have no regrets .
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
I could never make a relationship work though!
Where the ultimate outsiders.
So, i spoilt her more .
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Comes on , in middle age.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
I write beautiful poetry .
But, we were locked up after school.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
She was in good health!
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
She wouldn,t have been !
I waited trembling.
I said to her
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
I don,t even have a pension.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
This is soul school!.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
I was scared of men, in general
When she asked me how she looked .
What did i know ?
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
We were not on the streets..
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
I was seconnd youngest,
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Especially a lifetime of it.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
She married twice! .
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Was to survive, this bastard.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
She loved him until the end.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
My family never makes their pension either.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
It was going to be , some day.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
But it wasn’t much.
Who then, do I blame.?
All the time i was locked up.
Why did i forgive my father ?
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
(And it was in our own minds.)
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Put me off passion for life!!
Would this be the day?
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
My life is so biszare .
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
I will be 64.
I think the readers, may guess!
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
We all went to grammer schools
I never cut or harmed myself..
And i lived it daily.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
Im still living with it.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
I was 9 years of age.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
The only rule us 5 kids had .